Mystery Gas

I know I have written a fair bit about body functions, especially toileting functions, in the last 18 months. I now realize this is because it is that part of my body which is, and has been declining the fastest. My lower core muscles are almost completely gone. I can barely sit upright unless I have a brace such as my M-rail, or a support such as the back of my wheelchair. These days even the slightest forward pitch can tumble me out of my wheelchair, my arms barely able to hold me upright, if at all.

So please forgive another tale of loss of "those muscles". It is the strangest thing of late, having happened twice in the last week. I will have to pee; no problem. Yet in the process I have to pass gas as well, something we all do. Only in my case I can no longer tell if the substance in passage is gaseous or solid matter. Twice in the past week I have panicked, feeling that I was releasing solid waste only to be told by someone helping me deal with what I thought would be a terrible mess that there was nothing there.

Do you know how weird it is to think you are pooping, only to find nothing there? It's like a practical joke being played on me by my own body. This first instance was in Mexico, when my current bladder infection began. I had peed on myself, yet again, thanks to these nasty bacteria in me. At the same time I could have sworn I was soiling my pants. Yet when I was changed, there was nothing there.

Last night was even weirder. I woke up at 4:39 AM having to go pee. Once again, gas attended. Only I could have sworn it was a substantial solid mass. I could feel increasing amounts of release, all the time fretting over the mess I was making in my pants, on my towel, on my bed. I lay there, anxious and holding in what I could until Kathy, my Home Care Aide, arrived at 9:00 AM. I told her I had filled up my underpants. She took a look and declared them to be empty.

My next stop was the toilet. Things did, in fact, take their normal course there. The only thing I noticed, both last Wednesday and this morning, is that I produced a very firm, large, solid stool. So perhaps I was being blocked and my muscles couldn't detect what was happening. Interestingly enough, they told me I would maintain sphincter control. I am. I just can't tell for sure.