I Need A Minion

There are all kinds of things bugging me in my apartment, things which need doing that I can no longer do, things which Home Care will not do, things which would make sense to some people and make no sense to others, things that I would do in a moment were it not for the ravages of ALS. These things range from the ridiculously simple, like picking up things that have fallen behind the couch, to full on chores, like emptying and cleaning my fridge.

The problem is that I feel guilty about asking people to do these things for me, and even worse when I want to micro-manage the process. Recently one of my friends was making nachos in the kitchen. I started saying how I wanted the cheese spread and used up. She got upset, left the kitchen, and told me if I wanted them done my way then I should do them. I completely understand that sentiment. So I tried my best, and only spilled about a third of them when I put the cookie sheet in the oven.

So when I look at my towels, disconcerted because they are not arranged the way I like them, I have little I can do or say. I don't have the strength to rearrange my towel cupboard everytime someone puts towels away in a fashion I don't like, nor can I sustain the awkward guilt that goes with asking someone to rearrange my towels for me just the way I like them. When I look at my pantry, I see things where I would like them tidier and more orderly, but to have that happen I need someone who either shares my sense of orderliness, or is willing to put up with me specifically directing the placement of each and every item.

This might seem a silly frustration in many ways. People help me. Towels get put away. Groceries go in the pantry. The fridge is, well, the fridge needs work. The real frustration lies in the enforced reality of not being able to do things for myself, the way I want them. If you don't like the way the books are on your bookshelf, you move them. If I don't like it, I have to lump it. If you don't like the way the cannisters are arranged on your counter, you rearrange them. If I don't like it, I have to lump if. If you don't... I think you might be getting the drift at this point. You pick it, you do it. With ALS, I just have to put up with all the little things which drive me crazy and make me upset.

If you want real, true distress, sit yourself in a chair for a day. Then, every time you want to do something, anything, ask someone else to do it for you. Don't get out of that chair, ever. Don't make anything, do anything, eat anything, drink anything, tidy anything, organizae anything unless you can do it while staying in that chair, and do it without lifting your arms past the armrests. Yes, you do get armrests. After all, you can't hold up your arms all day, can you?

What I need is a minion, someone who will unquestioningly do as I say when it comes to picking up, tidying up, organizing, cleaning. I need someone who will willingly be my hands and arms, not refuting how I want things, nor doing things they way they think is best but instead doing them as I ask, not because my way is better or worse, but because it matters to me. And that God damned cushion is still behind the couch!