To Eat or Not To Eat, That Is The Real Question

It's happening. Christmas is here. I know that for a fact because I can feel the weight of it gathering at my girth. My skinny shirt is puckered at the buttons. (I am going to have to change into a not-so-skinny shirt.) I can feel the fat flinging itself at me, sticking to my belly.

What happened to "eat whatever you like"? It's not that I can't gain weight; apparently being fat doesn't matter given my timeline. What's that all about? Just because I have a short shelf life doesn't mean I want to spend my remaining days an obese blob!

In summer 2011 when all this started I weighed around 255 pounds. While I did not know I had ALS, I sure knew I was fat and out of shape. I attributed much of my leg problems to the back injury and just being out of shape. So my first tactic was to lose weight. I dropped from a high of probably 260 down to a recent low of 215. Recent events and my desire to take advantage of things has me back at 220, maybe 222. I don't like it.

So back to the diet I must go. Or must I? Perhaps more importantly I will be getting into a physio program soon, one where I will concentrate on building whatever muscle strength I can in my upper body and working to slow the loss of mobility in my legs.

For most of you losing the Christmas gift will be intentional. In my case eventually the disease will rob me of the ability to eat. At that point I will need the extra weight to carry me for a while. How long I don't know. On the other hand having that extra weight now will reduce my mobility and negatively impact my current lifestyle and quality of life.

So rock or hard place? Gain weight while I still can and live with it now, or lose weight and see myself waste away more quickly later on.

I am going to live for today, and that means being who and what I want to be right now. I don't want to be fat. I don't like fat. I want to be fit. I like fit.

Of course, I am still going to enjoy the holidays, but watch out in January!