Enough Is Enough

I'm feeling a bit beat up and tired today, as if everything I do takes an extra bit of effort to get it done. I didn't sleep all that well last night eithe. Having gone to bed at 9:45 PM, I watched a bit of Netflix on my phone, finally feeling like sleep at 10:30 PM. So I shut things down and tried to sleep. The hourse rolled by until, finally, at around 1:00 AM I took a sleeping pill.

The weakness I feel is particularly in my left arm. This morning in the shower I was unable to lift it above my head, unable to use my left hand to wash my scalp or spread shampoo. Unltimately I gave it a bit of help with my right hand, thus getting both hands involved in the hair washing event. When I was done, I moved my left hand to the side of my head and it flopped down, not quite useless but certainly limited in what it would do when asked to reach above my shoulders.

Even my fingers are feeling weak today, the effort of typing noticeable for the first time. Both the muscles and joints hurt, a maddening combination of arthritis due to aging and muscle weakness due ot ALS. Fortunately as I type I rest my hands on the laptop surface. Were I compelled to hold my hands up as I type, the way they taught is during typing class in high school, there would be few words exiting from my fingertips today.

It is important to note here that is is not my mood in decline. I am not down. I am not depressed. I am not dreary. The weakness in my arms and hands does not indicate any weakness of mind or spirit. I'm in a good mood, but for the ache in my arms. Perhaps a half cookie is in order to ease the pain, or better yet one of the new candies my cousin sent to me. I'll let you know how it works out.

There are going to be more days like this, more often, as my arms move from partial to complete loss, as my fingers begin to fail more consistently. Soon there will be nothing functional left of me, except possible for slurred speech and blinking eyelids. That's will be it. It's coming; I can see that train clearly. While I may be unable to move from the tracks, I'm actually looking forward to that train getting closer and closer, finally finishing this voyage. Enough is enough.