Still Here

Yesterday was not a good day. Yesterday is yesterday, it has passed and gone. Today is a new day, a new start, a new time to make the best of where I am, of how I am living, of what I have in my life. Today is an opportunity for a good day, even though my tummy still hurts and my bowels remain uncertain.

The thing that makes a good day is to remember the good things that happen, and to forget days like yesterday. Today I have Chris, Chris and Dianne visiting with me. Today Sam, my HCA, came in and looked after me, tenderly and respectfully, kindly and carefully. She doesn't make me feel ashamed or embarrased to have what I have, to deal with the mess and fuss. Tonight Cabira, my evening HCA, will come to change me, perhaps to clean up another mess, and to help me get ready for bed. She will do the necessary things with a smile, finding humour in the midst of difficulty, making me smile along with her. These are the things which make a good day.

It is snowing outside. I will sit, drink my coffee, and enjoy the small dry flakes blowing past my window. I will be warm in my snug apartment, safe from the dangers that lay outside my doorway. No, I am not frightened. I know I am not alone in dealing with ALS. This disease is carried not just by me, but by all those around me, all those who care for me, who love me. I don't have to bear this burden alone, nor deal with the struggle by myself. I am not alone

The chill of winter has come. Ice forms on the sidewalks and parking lots. I have to bundle up to go outside. Even in this I have help if needed. My neighbours are there for me, often helping me with the smaller things, sometimes the bigger things. While the snow and ice may come, I am held in the warmth of those within my life.

Today will be a good day. I've already decided that. All I need to do now is look for it. It will be there, amidst the snow and ice, warming the inside of my life, covering me in its blanket. There are more good days than bad days. I am still here.