Living Like This

Over the last few days I have awoken feeling weak, tired, and upset to my stomach. Tueday evening I had dinner company; Tonny, Dan, and Emily. We did Taco Tuesday. I lasted well into the evening, stimulated by having others around me. Yesterday, by early evening, I felt passably good, although still ready for an early bedtime. I would say I am feeling sick, but I am already sick, so that's no good. It is, I think, the exhaustion of ALS taking an extra turn at beating on my body.

This tiredness is extreme, extending through every part of my body. Even my fingers, even my fingertips feel tired. The weakened muscles in my arms are loathe to cooperate with anything, never mind trying to eat my breakfast. On Tuesday I couldn't finish breakfast; the effort of eating a second egg on toast was too much to bear. Yesterday I managed breakfast but ate a very small dinner, leftovers from the previous couple of evenings.

It seems it just takes me a very long time to get my body going each day. Right now my right arm is spasming from the effort of typing; it's been happening a lot that way. Writing in the morning seems to be more of a task than I can bear some days. I leave it until evening, but then I either have company or I am so tired that I give it up. The best days are when I wake up after a nap, later in the afternoon, feeling like I can at least accomplish something. Then, I write. Sometimes it takes me until late evening to get that strength. Some days, there is none at all.

This is living with ALS, this ever increasing loss of ability, the tiredness, the exhaustion, the weakness, the shaking, the general body distress. I've been on this road a long time, too long. It's difficult, especially when you add in the cares of life we all share; bills, groceries. At least I don't have work to stress me. I think that's a good thing, although some days I wonder. Work was, at least, a distraction, and a solution, from and to the other issues. Now, when I am awake, I just stress over living like this.