Mourning

I'm at sorry I haven't posted lately. I've been mourning the loss and failure of my sex life. It's gone, it's just gone, and I really miss it.

I don't really feel like writing a lot these days. In fact most days I don't feel like writing at all. It's not so much the work as it is that I just don't feel like I have anything left to say.

The truth is I'm tired of living with this disease. I'm tired of life in general this way, and I don't really know what to do anymore. I wake up each day. I eat my breakfast, and I go on. Unfortunately much of that go on is just sitting in my apartment watching Netflix or looking out my window watching people walk through the parking lot across the street.

No, I'm not going to end my life anytime soon. I'm just not having a lot of fun. I do enjoy time with friends, but there is no one to hold me during the day or lie with me at night. I'm alone, alone in my fight with ALS, notwithstanding all of the others around me who struggle with the same battle. No matter what you say, we all do it alone when it comes to the end, or even part way through.

This is a terrible disease, a disease that I have to deal with in the terrible part right now. I just wish there was a little fun to be had.