Cutting My Own Balls

This whole "peeing in a jug" things is not an easy situation. In fact it is fraught with difficulty, even danger. My goal these days it to get through the whole day without peeing on myself. While seated in a wheelchair, unable to adjust my pants, peeing at a right angle with my junk all stuffed up from inside of my underwear, this goal is almost impossible to meet.

Before I go any farther, I need to say that as a man, this whole going pee thing is a lot less of a problem than it is for women pALS. While most, if not all, I have spoken too have tried to keep themselves into transferring from wheelchair to commode, ulitmately they are forced to make an unpleasant decision much sooner than men. Catherization.

The most common approach is the supra pubic catheter, which, like it sounds, avoids the pubic area completely. A small tube is inserted, usually through the stomach wall, into the bladder. In most cases the tube is clipped off. When your bladder is full, you go pee by unclipping the tube, pointing, and letting nature take its course. The step beyond this, when you lose your ability to clip, is a urostomy bag.

For men, as long as we have some arm and strength control, we can always pull out our junk and pee. Or at least that what we would like to believe. In fact getting your penis through the clothing is a realy challenge, especially when that thing wants to hide back up inside your body. To help, you would likely do as I do, pulling out the whole package, allowing easier access to the necessary part.

This pulling and packing takes place in a dangerous environment of zippers and elastic waistbands, creating even more pressure on the situation in hand. It takes a fair bit of pushing and adjusting before everything is correctly positoned. By this time, your poor bladder simply cannot wait any longer. It lets go, while you desparately grab for the jug near at hand before the fountain starts to spray.

If you are lucky, you can get things pointed in the right direct. Then you will realize that pointing directionally while seated in a wheelchair with pants and underwear creating back pressure all creates a situation of "kinks" in the line. You want to. You need to. But you find things moving at a dribble, thanks to the many bends in the road and pressure on the urether. So you adjust, pushing the jug further down, forcing more release room for your troublesome minor member.

That's when you realize that your new jug has sharp edges at the lip, sharp enought to cut soft skin when it slides across while being forced down. The edge of your jug becomes a very dull knife, and you find yourself slicing your own balls with that small, dull knife. You can feel the slight sting, see the small amount of blood. So now you are peeing and bleeding at the same time. Since the bleeding is slight, you know it can wait. You readust, making more smears of blood on your hands and jug.

In the midst of all of this, you start to wonder. "If I get urine on this cut, what will happen?" You see, nowithstanding what you read on the Internet, urine is not "sterile". That is a myth. Urine comes from your bladder, home to any number of bacteria. Those bacteria get lively once they enter the outside air, and even livelier if they happen to find a blood environment. Those cuts can become infected. Ask me how I know.

So finally you are done. Your bladder is finished. The bleeding seems to have stopped. You go to put things away. That's when the "old man" finishing bit decides to make its appearance. Is that cut stinging? It's wet in there. What will happen? In the end, you just have to go on with your life, accepting that this stuff happens. It really does. Once again, ask me how I know.