Thursday, 17 August 2017

Feeling Weak

Not a great start to my day today. I was unable, or unwilling with respect to the effort required, to take my underwear off when I was on the toilet this morning. I asked Sam, my Home Care Aide, to help. Sometimes it is not the actual amount of energy or strength involved that blocks my way. Sometimes it is just the will to do something. I lacked that will this morning.

Then, if you will forgive the phrase, I did a shitty job of washing my ass. In fact I didn't so much wash it as I just let the sprayer on my toilet spray away while I hoped for a good result. Alas, there was not a good result. Once again, Sam was compelled to finish the task. Yes. I did not wipe my own ass today. My arms were too tired to do battle with my body.

I get days like this. No matter what joys or enjoyments are in my life, my body is weak and I am less than willing. It's not a lack of sleep thing; I went to bed at 9:30 PM last night and slept a good 12 hours. Nor was it over-exertion yesterday. I spent most of the day doing nothing. When I was not doing nothing, I was doing very little.

Mostly today it's just because I am feeling weak, weaker than usual. Except that there is no usual with this damned disease. I will go through today, feeling weak. I will do my best to keep going, to be active. But it won't matter; regardless of all other things, I will be weak today. That's just life with ALS.

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