Nap Now

Today is not a good day, especially for me and my arms. They feel as if they are attached to the sides of my body by powerful stretch bands, held in place except for the smallest amount of sideways detachment requiring tremendous energy and strength. Already the motions of the day have left me worn out, deeply in need of rest, sleep, a nap or even more. It's 2:00 PM in the afternoon, almost, and here I am ready to call it a day, ready to go to bed for the day, and the night.

I hate days like this, where not only is my emotional energy low, but my physical energy too. Not only is my body suffering its limitations poorly, but my mind does not have the will or power to override my body. I don't have the mental strength today to tell myself to get going regardless of how I feel.

I'm going to have a nap, something I do every day now. Sometimes the nap brings me back, rested. Unfortunately it sometimes has the effect of leaving me sleepier than when I started. As with everything with this damned disease, I just don't know how it will turn out. All I know for sure right now is that after only a few hours out of bed, I'm ready to go back there.

I am rapidly becoming that person, the one you see in the ads about ALS, the one who lies in his bed or sits slumped over in his wheelchair, looking off into some distant dream, unable to respond to stimuli in the present. I do nothing. I am nothing. All that exists for me is sleep, waking to eat and perform bodily functions, then sleep again.

I'm going to have a nap now.