Arms and Clowns

I couldn't sit up in bed this morning. I don't mean it took me several tries. Several tries is how every morning goes these days. I am having increasing trouble getting from a laying position to a sitting position. This morning, after several tries, I couldn't do it at all. I wore myself out, fell backwards from my partial attempt, and just laid there, wondering what I might do.

So I made a couple of phone calls, looked at the nasty weather outside, and rested. Then, after about 15 minutes, I tried it again. This time I repositioned my body a bit, adjusted my angle to the M-rail a bit, and, after two or three attempts, managed to get upright. It's all about the physics, the placement of my lifting arm and bracing arm, where my center of mass and balance are, and how I feel in my arms.

When I first wake up, or when I first try to sit up, I am fairly sure that all the muscles involved are not involved, even though they should be. I think it takes my body a while to become fully functional, or as fully functional as it can get these days. The continual loss of strength in my arms is what is causing me so much trouble with sitting up. I can no longer just pull myself upright. I am too weak. These days I have to wake up, rest up, then, hopefully, get up.

Even after doing all this, it wasn't enough when my day started. I had to wait, and go through a whole other round of attempts and struggles. Now that I am up, in my wheelchair, dressed, my arms are aching and sore from the effort, especially my left upper arm, right next to my shoulder. This is the worst area of failure right now.

I've felt this coming. I've seen this coming. I've known it would happen. It is the precursor to the final event, where I will be completely unable to do this alone, where I will need help in even the simple act of getting upright. When? I don't know. The parade has begun but the clowns haven't shown up yet. When they do, I won't be laughing.