Just For A While

I'm sitting in my Ikea Phoang chair, writing my blog post. It's been a long time since I have done this, perhaps years. When I was first diagnose, when I could still get in and out of this chair on my own, I would settle here and write. Then, as transfers became more difficult and arms weakened, I rather gave up on it, deciding it was easier to sit at the table, to write on it's firm, steady surface.

Sitting here, in this chair, in this place, has always been one of the best parts of my day. From here the sky stretches to the prairie, today showing thin patches of blue smudge against thin patches of white; the wind restless, shifting from gust to still and back again; the air full and thick, humid, heavy. It's the breeze that makes the day today, the offer of cool air stripping away the clammy clutch of moisture. I can feel it, even here in my chair, courtesy of my open balcony door.

The hanging baskets and my tree make a dance of it, swaying with each gust. The small birds huddle into the tree, flitting in and out, living on the wind as an old friend and trusted ally. Every once in a while a crow or magpie will land on a branch, stare in my window, see nothing of interest, then bolt off for the next port of call. And always there is the noise of people and traffic below.

I'm tired today, unsure if I will get up out of this chair at any point, unsure if I will wander past my computer and my book today. I have water next to me, along with the ubiquitous jug. Of course the jug works poorly in this chair; I am no expert at peeing uphill into a container which points back downwards at me. Nor am I wearing a catheter, although the catheter would be a nuisance too, equally plagued by the vicissitudes of gravitation and slope. Bag below bladder, that's the rule. It makes it tough to sit with your feet up.

So, I suppose, at some point I will leave the comfort of this chair, once again engaging in the life of a man with ALS, a man in a wheelchair, a man tired of challenge. But not just yet. For a while, just a little while, I am going to watch the wind in the trees, listen to the chirps and squirps of the small birds, feel the air push past me. Just for a while.